NEED HELP GETTING FUNDING FOR MAY BOOK?

OK OK OK I AM WRITING A BOOK ABOUT A DOG THAT RUNS AROUND AND SOLVES PROBLEMS LIKE WORLD HUNGER WITH A BARK AND A WAG AND NO CATS ARE IN THIS BOOK BECAUSE THEY POOP IN A BOCKS. ANYWAYS THIS BOOK IS ABOUT A DOG WHO IS SO HAPPY TO BE IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINEY WORLD THAT HOW CAN WE NOT JOIN HIM IN HIS FROLICS IN THE SUN AND BEAUTY ANYWAYS I NEED TO MAKE PEOPLE STOP BLOWING EACH OTHER UP HATING EACH OTHER AND BUYING ALL THESE MAC COMPUTERS WHILE HELLO THERE ARE MANY WHO AVE NO MONEY FOR FOOD LET ALONE ALL OF THIS ELECTRONICS AND HOUSES AND CARS I WANT EVERYONE TO HELP EACH OTHER AND I NEED TO WRITE THIS BOOK SO WE CAN ALL GET ALONG AND FROLIC WITH THIS BEAGLE BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE A BEAGLE THEY ARE UNREAL OR MAYBE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER WHICH DO YOU THINK IS BEST 10 POINTS ANYWAYS I NEED SOME MONEY SO I CAN SUPPORT MY EXTRAVAGANT LIFESTYLE WHILE I AM WRITING THIS PIECE OF MAGIC THAT WILL CHANGE THE WORLD IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT I GET SOME LARGE CHECKS TO SUPPORT MY LAVISH AND EXCENTRIC LIFESTYLE AFTERALL I AM AN ARTIST I MEAN I AM NEEDING ALL OF THIS CASH TO COVER A HUGE ESTATE AND IMPORT MANY ECCENTRIC AND INTERESTING DANGEROUS ANIMALS FROM INDIA AS WELL AS MANY OPULENT STATUES AND TAKE TIME OFF TO GO ON EXTRAVAGANT AND DANGEROUS ADVENTURES WHEN I TAKE TIME OFF FROM WRITING HOW DO I GET FUNDING SO PEOPLE CUT ME THE CHECKS SO I CAN PROCURE THIS ESTATE FILLED WITH ZOOLOGICAL SUPRISES AND BOTANICAL MYSTERIES WHICH IS THE ENVIRONMENT WHICH WILL ALLOW MY WIZARDRY TO CULMINATE IN A LIFESHATTERING BOOK THAT WILL CHANGE THE WORLD I NEED ALL OF THIS OR I AM UNABLE TO WRITE I HAVE TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH THIS EXTRAVAGANT BEAUTY AND THEN TAKE MANY OUTINGS TO OUTLANDISH REALMS WHICH WILL INSPIRE ME TO PICK UP A PEN AND START MY NOVEL MY QUESTION IS 1 HOW DO I GET THIS MONEY AND 2 WHAT KIND OF DOG COULD CHANGE THE WORLD THANKS FOR NOTHING