Cannot find comfort in this world,why?

i had a tortured chidhood and even teenager...today,iam 33 but still don't know what i want in this world..i tried to suicide many times,the first one was when i swallowed pills for different sicknesses(about 50 pills)cause i was afraid of my elder brother who used to hit me cruely it was more than 200 years ago...the last time i tried to suicide was in december 2006 and i keep a souvenir on my neck...love rock music and wanna be a rockstar,but it is impossible here in algeria where this music is not popular when it is by an algerian...don't really know what to do...